There’s a blockage in the data stream

Write what you know.
OK, that’s a good start… but then, how did all that science fiction get written? And how come this piece of advice doesn’t apply to the spoken word? Or, in pubs, the slurred word? That’s three questions already, and I doubt that any of them will be answered here.

I read a piece recently – it could have been by David Mitchell, but I’m not sure (see? already I’m writing what I don’t know) – wherein the author was talking about how access to information with smartphones had killed off pub banter. Gone are the days when you could just ramble on about what you think you knew, as now ‘facts’ can be verified immediately by any smartarse. Even worse, it’s no longer possible to get your heads together to figure out what that song is playing… some numpty will just Shazam it, and what’s worserer, download it there and then.

But here’s the thing: if there is so much factual information at our fingertips, how come it doesn’t get used when the conversation turns to…

• Religion
• Health
• Politics
• … and just about anything else that’s properly important?

During a drink with a dear, old friend recently, he mentioned that his girlfriend had an appointment with an ‘alternative’ person, who claimed that he could boost her immune system by taking blood from one part of her body, and squirting it in another. I did that prrspprrsspt thing into my drink, and laughed (OK, guffawed) a bit onced I’d dried my chin… and was told I was being offensive, as I’d had the temerity to deride something I didn’t know anything about.

Now if only I’d had my smartphone with me, I could have dialled up Bad Science and posted a question about this strange blood treatment. Because within minutes, I would have had facts at my fingertips – for instance that it would be just as effective as a kick up the arse. But I didn’t, and I had to back down as best I could, as my friend had got himself into a bit of a tizz about being ‘offended’.

But actually, the thing that got me the next day wasn’t the lack of information; if someone wants to do something as daft as that, that’s their problem. No, it was the fact that someone I respected got mad at me for being offended. So be bloody offended, fercrissakes (or however you spell that): grow up, take it on the chin, give some back – even sit back and consider exactly what it is that’s offending you – but don’t bloody well whinge on like a child.

OK, got that bit off my chest, so back to smartphones. The problem is that the term ‘smartphones’ is accepted to imply that it’s the phone that’s smart. Surely what we’re after here is that the technology available in phones could and should be used by their owners to make themselves smarter?

But it seems to me that they only serve to confirm just how dumb most people are.

Me included, natch.