Put Up Or Shut Up

In an unexpected turnaround at the EU Commission, policymakers have apparently had enough of having to deal with Britain’s politicians using the EU as a scapegoat tied to a punch bag, at the expense of issues of the day that are of more pressing import, including the need for real reform in the EU institutions.

Rather than waiting for the British people to vote on whether they want to continue their membership of the EU, the Commission has drawn up a list of criteria that the UK must adopt should they wish to remain a member:

1. Compared to the European Parliament the British parliamentary system is undemocratic, in that it’s entire upper house is unelected. The House of Lords must be radically changed in order that it best serves the wishes of the people it represents.
   • On a similar note, a referendum is NOT democratic: it is simply a way for a sitting government to dodge its responsibilities by saying, “I dunno, what do you lot think?” Having been elected on its policies and given between four and five years to implement them, it must therefore follow that the government’s job over those years is to implement those policies as best it can. Otherwise, there would be constant referendums about just about every damn thing (see Slovenia).
2. We want our money back! Britain’s EU rebate was negotiated in 1985, as a way of mitigating the perceived (by Margaret Thatcher) imbalance in member states’ contributions (i.e. Britain’s). It has since been re-arranged every which way, resulting in an increasingly complex system of ad hoc temporary and permanent corrections (including those for Germany, Austria, Sweden and the Netherlands), not least because Britain continually refuses to agree to a simpler and more transparent system. The system will be reformed and Britain will comply. Or leave.
3. There is no place in the governance of Europe for religion (although membership and involvement in religious organisations must be seen as a basic human right), so it follows that the head of state cannot also be the head of a church. (Note the use of ‘a’: it is inconceivable that the state should support the idea that one religion should have priority over all others). Either the Queen abdicates or steps down as head of the Church of England.
4. As a member of the European Union, the government of the day must not tell porky-pies about the EU, whether for political gain, economic benefit or just out of pure stupidity. Britain is a member of an organisation that can only prosper if the member states fully engage with its policies, legislation and implementation, while representing them truthfully and honestly.
5. Britain will abide by the four founding principles of the European Union: freedom of movement of goods, people, services and capital. No exceptions.
6. Britain (and the Republic of Ireland) will become a member of the Schengen area… without which there can be no free movement of people. And if there’s no free movement of people, membership of the EU is not possible (see above).

These are the minimum requirements for Britain’s continuing membership of the European Union.

And in case you’re going to go into one about, “Nya nya, what about nasty France and their ‘orrible farmers, CAP in hand?“, “But Sir, those Hungarians/Slovaks/Poles are not abiding by EU principles” and “It’s not fair – why should we pay for Greece fucking up?“: sure, since Britain has bravely shown the lead in pointing at exactly where the problems are not, a lot of time and expense has been wasted when we should be looking at real reforms. And yes, that does include the management of the EU institutions themselves.

So why shouldn’t Britain actually take the lead for once? Britain can find a Greatness different from that of its imperial past, a Greatness that leads towards greater peace, fairness, prosperity, security and joy for all of the peoples of Europe. But it has to agree to the fundamental principles first.

Or bugger off.