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Financial Services Authority, or…

Lies, lies and more lies

On the face of it, the FSA looks like an institution you can trust, doesn’t it? And in many ways, this is true, just as you can trust a tiger to do its best to eat you, or Chloe Smith to be… naaw… poor liddle Chloe-diddums… doe-eyed liddle kitten-chops doesn’t deserve nasty big meanies taking the we-wee.

Yes she does. But luckily for her, I’m banging on about something else. Later Chloe, later.

(But for you peeps without a tellyvision, plus Johnny Foreigner, the YooToob clip is at the bottom. Enjoy).

Of the three great lies, this is the worst (the cheque’s in the post, I’ll call you back and Financial Services Authority… I think there may be a fourth, but for the life of me I can’t remember what it is). It’s actually part of the greatest lie in the world today, that the people in charge have our best interests at heart. Actually, the second greatest lie is that those people know what they’re doing, and understand the consequences.

The latest banking ‘scandal’ in the UK has resulted in Barclays being fined nearly 300 million quid. Or in banksters language: nuffink.

This is not a ‘latest scandal’, but simply part of the same thing. To say that the Fatuous Scheister’s Arse-lickers have investigated and fined a bank is like saying… actually, I don’t know what it’s like saying. I’ve been sitting here for a while now, and for the life of me I can’t think of a funny way of comparing the FSA’s relationship with the financial sector that would be more bizarre than it already is.

See, the FSA, although ostensibly an independent ‘watchdog’ organisation, is actually an integral part of the industry it’s supposed to be watchdogging. It is structured as a limited company, and it is funded by fees charged to the financial services industry. The board is appointed by the government (actually the Treasury), but its operations are independent of the government.

In other words, in a nutshell, the FSA is funded by the very people it is supposed to be policing. What do you think is really happening here? Where do you think the ‘fines’ go, when the finee is funding the organisation making the fines? Ooh, I wonder if those charges levied on the financial services industry – and specifically Barclays – will in some way be a little less next year? How much by, do you think?

So, you actually passed the joke of the piece up there in that logo graphic. Because I was thinking that maybe the press have been getting their wires crossed, the FSA for the FSA (Food Standards Agency). Maybe they had a nasty rat infestation in Barclays canteen.

And it turns out they did… but the press got the right FSA.

Don’t you think the foody part of the logo, when applied to the financial part of the logo, looks a bit like two hands linking? I wonder whose hands that logo represents, eh?

For you Chloe fans out there, here ’tis again: