As discussed in the pub(lishing) house

A Very Important Statement

It occurs to me that, if I remember rightly, I have been accused of being an opinionated bastard once or twice in the dim and distant past. Also, if memory serves, arrogant, forthright, a smart-arse, haughty, contemptuous and just a tad insolent. Not to mention being the devil’s very best advocaat (that’s a Dutch advocate).

Then there have been the insults(!): knobhead, imbecile, tosser, twit (in a more genteel time) and cnut (when I was being an idiot at the beach). Plus one or two hundred more.

Quite often, believe it or not, these words have hurt me – whether they came from friends or distant relatives (i.e. other humans) – and at no point have I ever considered retribution. I have lain awake at night, or sloshed around in the bath, or gazed into the heat-hazed middle distance (on hols, obviously), and seriously considered what was said, and whether either I’d missed a brilliant riposte, or I deserved the distain.

But I have never considered for a moment that I would run to my Big Brother and asked for legal recompense against my attacker. So, having read much recently about the idiocy that is the English libel law (oops, there I go again), I am minded that some twat out there will take it upon themselves to shut me the fuck up.

You know: a total moron from the British Homeopathetic Society, or maybe a ‘priest’ from a fairy-tale club that still calls itself a ‘religion’, or Tony Blair (the wanker).

I therefore state that everything on this blog is simply stuff that has come up in conversation at the pub, and I am just reporting how it went; only idle chatter by slightly sloshed ordinary blokes and birds, as nicked by myself and typed into my IBM (Interweb Bantering Machine).

Trouble is, some twat is bound to insist on ‘stepping outside’ because I caused offence.

Another reason I left England.